Invader Sar
by Sarie Cigam
Summary: The ruthless Invader Sar is send to earth to try and stop Zim from screwing all chances at conquering earth. Will Zim defete Sar, or will Sar turn Zim into Irken Bits? Chapter 1 is up. PG-13 for language. Chapter 5 up!
1. Fear of the Tallest

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Zim!! I do own the concept of Invader Sar and the T.A.S.S. unit, so NO STEALING! If you steal, the WEASELS WILL ATTACK!! ...Gir! Take me to the WEASELS!  
  
This is an original Zim fic involving MY INVADER! It's not done yet (Duh.) but keep checking back because, regardless of reviews, I shall continue my story! MUAAA!! (everyone runs in terror) ...anywho... Read! Read it I say! OBEY THE FIST!!   
  
"Well, Red... we've done it again..." Purple muttered irritably as he watched the transmition the two Tallest had received from Zim.  
Red turned around in his swivel chair, a slurpee in one hand, a gameboy in the other. "What, you mean eaten all the cheese from the fridge without knowing?"  
"...no Red. We sent Zim to a planet, not a void!"  
Red spat out his slurpee and stood. "What do you mean, 'not a Void'?? What planet??"  
"It's called 'Earth'. It's habitable, too."  
"You mean we sent Zim to a potential conquerable planet??"  
"...yes."  
"...damn."  
The almighty Tallest stood for a while, watching Earth spin in its orbit, Red finishing his grape slurpee despondently.  
"You know what this means, right?" Purple said after a moment.  
"We're screwed?"  
"...no. It means, we have to send someone after Zim before he ruins our chances at Earth!"  
"Well, who the heck are we supposed to send? All of our best Invaders are already working on Impending Doom 2!"  
"Not all, Red. There is one Irken Invader still around..."  
Red looked up, horrified, and the empty slurpee cup slid from his shaking hand. "No, not..."  
"Invader Sar."  
"Are you crazy, Purple?? We can't send Invader Sar!! She's to scary!!"  
"What else are we supposed to do?"  
"...fine. I'll send for Invader Sar."  
Moments after pressing a big, shiny green button labeled "Call Invader Sar", Red and Purple heard a light tapping at their door.  
"Come in," Red said cautiously.  
The steel door slid open with a mechanical hiss, and a tall, slim figure stepped lightly through it. She was tall for an Irken; only a foot and a half shorter than the Almighty Tallest. Her eyes were a deep, virulent blue, and she wore three earrings through each antenna and numerous gold and silver steel bands around her wrists, ankles, and neck. She walked with a sinuous elegance and a menacing attitude, as if she knew the whole world hated her, and she knew she could kill them all.  
"You called?" She spoke in a deadly-quiet voice, almost more of a hiss than a vocalization.   
"Yes, Invader Sar. We have a mission for you," Purple said.  
"What sort of mission?"  
"We need you to stop an idiot Invader named Zim."  
"...say no more." Sar promptly turned out the door and began walking away.  
"Wait, don't you want to know more??" Red called after her.  
"He's on earth, you need me to stop his idiocies, and you want me to conquer the planet. I already know. Tass and I will take care of it," She said in her frightening hiss, the voice carrying down the hallway eerily.  
"That went well... I think..." Purple said, wiping a bead of sweat from his forehead.  
"I think so to. Shall we get back to that backgammon game now?" Red asked, picking a dice cup up off the dashboard.  
"Only if you run and get us more slurpees. And bring cheese fries back, too."  
~*=*~  
Sar plugged a short set of coordinates into the control panel of her modified version 6.0 Vood Runner and sat down on the hard, gray-leather seats beside a small silver robot. The robot turned its silvery head slightly and fixed Sar with a gaze from its glowing, orange eyes. "Off to earth, huh?"  
Sar nodded and buckled a strap across her chest. "We're stopping Zim from ruining another Impending Doom."  
The S.I.R. unit nodded slightly and turned to face the view panel. Suddenly, he turned around again and said, in a high, panicked voice, "We remembered the cheese, right??"  
"...Yes, Tass. I brought plenty of cheese."  
"Phew..." Tass sighed. He settled back in the seat, mechanical arms crossed behind his head. Tass, or the T.A.S.S. S.I.R. unit, was a modified version of the intelligence-gathering droid issued to each invader when they were assigned a planet to conquer. Instead of the basic, mass-produced intelligence chip of the S.I.R. unit, however, Tass had a specially-made chip in his circuit board. It included the weapons readouts of every race known to the Irkens, a planet guide for every planet that had ever been mapped, a readout of the strengths and weaknesses of every race recorded, and programs that would make an expert hacker turn pale. As well as this unique chip, Tass was endowed with a distinct personality and advanced decision-making skills. These skills were essential, for Tass possessed a range of weapons with the explosive capacity of a dying sun. A stupid robot could quite possibly wipe out the galaxy with such weaponry.  
"Can I sign a song?" He asked as the Vood Runner's engines began revving up.  
"No, Tass. Please, just wait until we're out of the docking bay first..." Sar groaned, steering the light, swift ship out from between to massive Irken bombing vessels.  
The Vood Runner's twin engine pods rotated slightly, the blue lights flickering brightly from within. A muffled roar exploded from the pods, and the Vood Runner took off like a shot, its sleek design cutting effortlessly through the pseudo-atmosphere surrounding the Irken base. Once the barrier was crossed, Sar slipped the Vood Runner into hyperspace, and she disappeared from the Almighty Tallest's radar.  
~*=*~  
"Gir! Gir, what are you doing?? That's a classified piece of technology!! Those weasels took me forever to build!" Zim screamed hysterically, dashing up a ramp to a platform where Gir was playing happily with a set of mechanical pig-shaped weasels.   
"Aww, I like the weasels!" Gir cried, sniffling as Zim wrenched the weasels out of his hands. After placing the weasels securely in a plexiglass case, Zim turned to Gir and dragged the stupid droid out of the room.  
"Gir, you're supposed to be watching for Dib!" Zim growled, chucking Gir across the room into a chair.  
"I like weasels!" Gir squealed, hopping up on the chair back.  
"..........NO WEASELS FOR YOU GIR!!" Zim roared.  
"Aww...."  
Zim was about to step back down the toilet when a crackle of static from his back pod alerted him to an incoming transmition. He extended his view screen from the pod and pressed the "Receive Transmition" icon, and the static cleared to reveal a green feminen face and a pair of virulent blue eyes.  
"Zim," hissed a voice all Irkens knew and feared.  
"I-I-invader Sar!" Zim stuttered, gasping. "What are you doing here?"  
"I'm here to take control of this planet and send you back to Irk 1. Either that or kill you violently and feed you to Tass," Sar said offhandedly, filing her specially-installed finger-claws.  
"N-n-no! The Almighty Tallest sent me here! On a special mission! To conquer earth! You can't get rid of me!"  
"Of course I can. You have one day to pack up, take your sorry excuse for a Vood Runner back to Irk, and clear all your items off the planet, or I will destroy you. Impending Doom, Zim. Impending Doom..."  
Quite suddenly, an orange-eyed S.I.R. unit popped up to the left, waving and squealing, "Leave the cheeeeeese! Leave it, I say!! LEAVE IIIIIIIIT!"  
Just as Zim was about to respond, the transmition flickered off, and he was left standing alone in the hallway.  
"MY CHEESE!" Gir screamed, clinging to Zim's head.  
~*=*~  
Sar set her Vood Runner down in a field close to Zim's school, her cloaking device activated, and Tass scanning for human life. The runner swiftly sent cables deep underground and burrowed itself in a steel cube about 5 yards deep, 3 yards wide. A door was set in one side of the steel cube, and it let to a hallway and an elevator that would take Sar to the various parts of her base. The cables burrowed miles deep and miles across, taking a little energy from every house in the city. Even before the cables were finished converting to rooms of the base, doors over the cube slid slowly shut, carrying a piece of camouflaging sod with them.  
Sar exited the Vood Runner and, with one mechanical leg, lit the lights in the laboratory base. Smiling evilly to herself, she clicked down the hallway towards the elevator, admiring the metallic tapping noise her legs made on the cool, hard floor. Tass followed, steam-cleaning the hallway and gnawing a piece of cheese, following Sar, humming the doom song softly under his breath.  
  
  



	2. Of Truces and Cheese

CHAPTER 2! Yeeehaw! I managed to write this one up! Enjoy, or face the wrath! Give me the meeeeeeeat!  
  
CHAPTER 2  
Truces and Cheeses  
Tass munched his cheese biscuit happily, playing a round of solitaire with himself. He loved this planet; the gravity allowed him to move freely, and they mass-produced cheese. He had seen some of the 'cows' that this cheese came from, and was already plotting to kidnap one and force it to make fresh cheese for him.  
He was about to win when a loud banging made him jump, the cheese biscuit fling from his hand. Quickly, he stood and activated a camera of the front door. Zim knelt there, and he was pounding the steel doors furiously. His insane droid bounced around behind him, squealing the doom song at the top of his lungs.  
"Sar! Let me in! I demand it!!" then, most likely realizing what he'd just said, Zim cowered on the ground in fear. "I mean, pllleeease almighty taller-than-me-Sar, please... let me in?"  
Even before Tass could respond, Sar stepped through the doorway into the security control room and pressed a blue button on the control panel. A long, thin tube shot up in front of Zim, and a display screen expanded from it.  
"This is Sar. Why are you hear, Zim??" She demanded, narrowing one eye.  
"I've come to suggest a truce!" Zim exclaimed.  
Sar pondered this a moment, then burst out in hysterical laughter. "You? A truce... with me?? I gave you 24 hours, Zim, and you disobeyed me. I'm going to have to kill you now."  
The transmition abruptly shut off and the screen snapped shut, leaving Zim standing, alone and disturbed, outside Sar's base. He was about to call for his Vood Runner for home when the ground began to shake slightly, and a section of the grass rose slowly, exposing the gleaming purple hull of a Vood Runner.  
Sar slowly piloted the Vood Runner out of the docking bay, turning the front towards a cowering Zim and his dancing G.I.R. unit. "I'll give you until the count of one to run, Zim. ...one." And with that, she fired off an explosive missile behind Zim, knocking him off his feet and under the Vood Runner. In order to keep her base in-tact, Sar picked Zim up with a pair of metallic claws, stuffed him in the cargo bay of her Vood Runner, and took off for a more isolated spot in which to destroy him.  
"I love doom..." she sighed, leaning back in her seat and putting the Runner on auto-pilot for the nearest moon.  
~*=*~  
Tass stood up and exited the base, quickly assessing Zim's S.I.R.'s capabilities. If Sar was going to eliminate Zim, there was no reason for Tass not to have some fun with his droid.  
"You, foolish robot stink-beast, give me your name!" He roared, teleporting in front of Gir. Gir looked up, mildly surprised, then leaped at Tass squealing. "I like cheese!" He said after a moment.  
Tass's glowing, orange eyes widened until they nearly covered his entire metallic head, and he gasped, "You like cheese too??"  
"Yep!" Gir grinned, popping a huge slab of cheese pizza from his head.  
"I LOVE CHEEEEEEESE!!" Tass squealed, chomping a massive bite from Gir's pizza.  
"You love cheese too? Weheheee!" Gir squealed, latching himself to Tass's head. "Show me your cheese wisdom, great one!"  
~*=*~  
Location: Earth's Moon, dark side  
Sar grinned maliciously, putting her blaster back in its holster. "Hurting, are we Zim?" she purred, lifting his chin slightly.  
Zim gasped and narrowed his eyes. "I will not bow to you, Sar! HAAHAAAAA!!!"  
Sar snorted derisively and dropped Zim's head, dusting her meticulous black gloves off on his clothing. "You'll be bowing soon, believe me foolish Irken..." She snapped her fingers, and Zim's Vood Runner appeared beside him. "Get in. I'll give you a chance for your life." Truthfully, Sar was doing no such thing. She just wanted to play a little more before slaying Zim. She leaped into the cockpit of her own Vood Runner and revved its engines, watching as Zim painfully hauled himself into his own battered Vood Runner.  
Quite unexpectedly, a blast exploded from Zim's Vood Runner as soon as he entered it, knocking Sar's runner sideways. She snarled a curse and righted herself, punching in a command with one balled-up fist. Her runner immediately began to change shape; legs extended from each of the four engin pods, and the runner stood like a dog, upright, crouched to pounce. Twin mortar cannons extended from the runner's 'back' and aimed at Zim. "Say your prayers, fool worthless Irken..." Sar spat.  
Before she had time to blow Zim to Saturn's rings, Tass came up on the view screen with Gir clinging to his head and bits of cheese dripping off his metallic exterior. "Don't kill Zim! His S.I.R. likes cheese!" Tass exclaimed, waving one mozzarella-coated hand.  
"What does that have to do with anything??" Sar hissed, locking Zim down with a set of thick cables.  
"Chapter-2-line-3-section-6 of the Sar-guide-to-slaughter of course!" Tass smiled innocently.  
"The... what??" Sar brought a bunch of text up on screen next to Tass and read down irritably, circling one line with her claw. "No killing of cheese-loving Irkens or Irkens who's robot units/assistants is permitted." She ground her teeth in anger, closing the test. "Stinking cheese-loving idiot robot..." she muttered.  
"See! We can have CHEESE PARTIES NOW!" Tass grinned, chompin' down more cheese.  
"...goody." Sar sighed and brought Zim up on screen. "Due to a minor... miscalculation and an error of my own fault, I must accept your offer of a truce." The words bit at Sar's tongue, and she winced after saying them. Truce? Sar didn't make truces. She broke them. Stupid cheese...   
"I'm glad," Zim said in a croaking voice. One antenna was on fire.  
"...you're antenna is on fire..." Sar muttered.  
"...AAAAAAAAA!!!!!" Zim's Vood Runner went nuts, dive-bombing towards earth, and with a reluctant, irritated sigh, Sar followed.  
And Dib watched this exchange, smiling evilly as his tape-recorder's gears whirred imperceptibly.  
"Two of them... they're mine..." He grinned, laughing like an insane scientist.   
"MUAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!"  
"...Dib, shut up. You made me lose to Bowser," Gaz growled, hurling a paper ball at Dib.  
"But... the aliens! I saw them! Two of them!!"  
"Quiet!! ...I lost again!! DIE DIB!" Gaz sprang at her brother, knocking the tape recorder into a desk, where a bowling ball rolled conveniently off the table to smash it.  
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! If it's the last thing I do, I'll catch those aliens! BOTH OF THEM!" and Dib was knocked senseless by Gaz.  
  



	3. Revalation

  
Chapter 3  
Notes: ...there are none. Read and review, or face your meaty doom... MUAHAHAAAA!  
  
Chapter 3  
Revelation  
Sar wiped more cheese slime from her face, eyes narrowed as she glared at the two cavorting droids. The "Cheese Party" celebrating the truce was being held in Zim's house, much to Gir's delight. Zim stood silently nearby, tapping the tips of his fingers together, looking cautiously up at her every few minutes. Standing near Sar was like standing near a hungry wild tiger whose cage door was left open.  
"Sar! Eat some cheese!" Tass commanded, offering a trashcan-lid-sized piece of provolone to the Invader. Sar rolled her eyes, but took the cheese and ate it slowly.  
"It's a good year," She commented blandly.  
"Zim! Eat cheese! The piggies love cheese!" Gir giggled, offering Zim a slice of triple-cheese pizza and a stuffed pig covered in parmesan.  
"No, Gir! AWAY!" Zim shouted, whacking the pizza into a wall. Sar turned to glare at him, one eye narrowed, her fists clenched.  
"Why do you abuse your S.I.R. unit?" She asked in a hiss, walking a few steps closer.  
"Because, he's an idiot!" Zim said, as if it was obvious.  
"That's no reason to treat him like you do," Sar snarled. "Eat that pizza he offered you."  
Zim gaped in anger, and stuttered, "But it's all dirty! I can't eat it now!"  
"I said eat the pizza. Now."  
Zim walked slowly, angrily, to the wall and scraped the pizza off it. Better to eat cheese than be slain by an assassin. He was sure now that's what Sar was. The Tallest had sent her to assassinate him. Assassinate him, Zim, the Invader of all Invaders! The pizza tasted bitter in his mouth.  
Tass waltzed up to Sar and sat down beside her, consuming his 57th piece of pizza. Gir sat on Sar's other side, hugging his parmesan-covered piggie.   
"I like you!" He said, latching onto Sar's head.  
"...Yes, Gir. I like you too," Sar muttered, patting the retarded droid's head a few times. Gir's eyes squinched up in happiness.  
"Zim never says he likes me!" Gir said sadly.  
"I'm sure he does. Zim's weird," Sar said, prying Gir off of her head before he cut her circulation off.  
Zim sat alone in one corner, sulking and gnawing his pizza, thoroughly irritated. Who did that upstart Sar think she was, telling him how to treat his robot? Gir was an idiot! How couldn't she understand that? He brooded in silence, eyes narrowed. He would have his revenge.  
~*=*~  
"So you're telling me we have to attend this 'school' to maintain out disguise?" Sar asked as Zim put his school costume on. The two Irkens were in Zim's house, in the Vood Runner bay, and Sar's runner was whirring contentedly as it fed off of Zim's power sources.  
"Yes. It's an excellent place to gather information," he said, proud that he knew something Sar didn't.  
"Very well," Sar said, stepping into one of her Vood Runner's engine pods. The pod made a whirring, clicking noise, and when Sar stepped out of the pod, Zim's eyes nearly popped out of his head.  
She looked exactly like a human.  
Somehow her skin was no longer green, and she had sprouted a thick head of white hair. Her skin was tanned and contrasted with her hair, as did her tight, black shirt and pants. She also wore black rayban shades, calf-high black boots, and black bike gloves. Somehow she now had ears and a nose, and her female Irken figure only added to the guise.  
"You look... JUST LIKE THEM!!" Zim gasped.   
"Yes. What did you expect me to look like?"  
"I don't know..." Zim muttered sulkily.  
"Let's just get this... school... over with, ok?" Sar growled irritably, stepping huffily through Zim's door and onto the sidewalk.  
~*=*~  
"I'm telling you, Gaz, there are two aliens here now! Two! Zim and... some... other alien!" Dib shouted, pacing around his sister as the two waited on the steps of Skool. The bell hadn't rung yet, and neither of them was too keen on entering the classroom of the dreaded Ms. Bitters before they had to.  
"Dib, you're irritating me," Gaz muttered, eyes glued to her GameSlave II. "I'm on the last level and if you mess me up now, I will have to hurt you."  
Dib wisely backed off, walking in a circle on the top step, eyes narrowed in concentration. "I wonder if that other alien is backup," he mused. "They won't defeat me, even if they send a hundred aliens to earth! ...well, maybe with a hundred..."  
He was stopped in his musings by the sight of a tall human, a new student, walking confidently towards the school doors. She was quite attractive by his standards, and he was about to go introduce himself, when he noticed that she was walking right next to Zim! Of course, Zim had no friends... he didn't want any. She had to be the other alien! And she had to have more skill than Zim; her costume was better, and she didn't seem suspicious at all.  
"You!" He hissed, running to meet them. "I know who you are!"  
"...Yes? Who am I, strange child?" She asked, looking Dib up and down.  
"You're an alien!"  
Sar considered this a moment, then burst out laughing. "Who is this, Zim? He just called me an alien! Either he's trying to insult me, or he's very stupid."  
"...he's stupid." Zim muttered. Sar was even better at acting human than he was.  
"I am not stupid! You're an alien and I know it! Zim is one, too! You're both Irkens!"  
Sar narrowed one eye behind her shades, then picked Dib up ruthlessly by his shirt front. "You may know, human," she hissed, her breath wafting up through Dib's nostrils, "but no one else will ever believe you. If you attempt to defeat me, I will kill you." Faster than a Cobra's strike, Sar flipped out a glistening switch blade and angled it at Dib's waist. "On flick of the wrist, and your pathetic human entrails would be lying here in a stinking pile. Don't make me kill you sooner than I have to." With that, Sar dropped Dib to the ground and stepped over him, flicking his sweat from her gloves contemptuously. She knew from experience that fear was a great motivator. Dib knew she wasn't human; she could tell he wasn't just insane. Instead of lying to him, she just made sure he knew the consequences of revealing her very, very well. Laughing to herself, she flipped the blade back into her glove.  
Dib picked himself up and, shaking, faced Zim. "Who is she?" He chattered, eyes wide.  
Zim considered his answer for a moment, and something in Dib's terrified face struck a chord in him. Here was someone who felt like he did and, even though they were mortal enemies, he managed to say, "Sar. Sar the Invader. She frightens me, too." And with that, he walked off, leaving Dib standing alone and frightened in a Four-Square court.  
  



	4. Madness Explained

Chapter 4

Chapter 4 

**Madness Explained**

Sar stepped into the schoolroom, glancing around her with passing interest.She noted with some amusement that she was taller by far than any of the other student humans, and took their shortness as a sign of inferiority.She sat lightly in an unoccupied seat behind Zim (she learned later that he had caused the child to have a nervous breakdown and transfer to a 'special school') and began watching the others, taking mental note of them all.Sitting on the opposite side of the class from Zim, in the front row, was Dib, who glanced fearfully at Sar every few moments.Every time he looked over towards her, she made a fist, and he trembled uncontrollably.

"You do that… well," Zim conceded, whispering back to her.

Ms. Bitters heard the miniscule noise and zipped over to Zim's seat like a ghost, her foul, stale breath engulfing his head."No talking, Zim," she growled.Zim shuddered and apologized, and Ms. Bitters floated away, her stench still wafting over Zim like a living entity.Sar caught a whiff and wrinkled her false nose.

"We have another new student," Ms Bitters announced, glaring around the classroom at the students."Please stand and introduce yourself.It will be the last chance you get to speak in this room," The demonic teacher said, fixing Sar with her evil gaze.

Sar stood, brushed her pants off, and coughed, clearing her throat."Hello, fellow students.I am Sar, and I'm pleased to be in your class."She then sat down, smirking at Zim, knowing that his _own_ attempt at human normalcy had been something along the lines of "I'm just a normal human worm-baby, just like you…"

Ms. Bitters then began 'teaching', or whatever passed for education in that room, her gravely, low voice filling the room like a satanic mantra."Today we'll all talk about nuclear wars.If someone launches a missile at us, we are all doomed.The world is doomed.There is no way to escape… the Doom.Repeat with me, We Are Doomed…"

Sar sighed and leaned on one elbow, allowing her mind to wander aimlessly over her own thoughts.Most of them involved world domination and Purple and Red lying, dead and desiccated, at her feet, but she didn't dwell on such mutinous thoughts for long.If she had, they might take her over, and she might _actually_ attempt to kill the two Tallest.

Instead, she thought of her plans gone wrong, and how she might fix them.Zim… he was a problem.He'd have to break one of the three rules in her Guide To Slaughter that would overwrite the cheese law, and his idiocy and terror of her made _that_ option highly unlikely.If only Gir hadn't liked cheese…

Gir, there was a problem.He obviously was devoted to Zim, even though the short little alien was cruel to his poor, stupid droid.Sar was sure Tass would take care of Gir.He took care of everything.Hadn't he taken care of her?_Goody,_ she thought, irritably, _here comes another flashback…_

She was only a year old when it happened.She, Sar, was an organic child, not born from a tube like most of the Irken army.No, her parents had bonded and bred in secret, and she was the genetically abnormal result.The Irkens hatched their offspring in tubes for a reason.Within the tubes, DNA could be carefully combine, producing offspring not powerful enough to overthrow their leaders.

The Irkens, having no home planet of their own any longer, had to invade other planets in order to take nutrients and resources from them.Because the army was so vast, it was easy to send single squads, or even single warriors, to take a planet and its resources.The problem with this system, however, was the size of a warrior's ego.If the squad or warrior decided they'd rather not share their conquest…

The First Tallest, the ancestors of the current Red and Purple, named Black and White in the history books, came up with a solution to the problem.Each Irken was instilled with a sense of awe for height, and only the tallest members of society were revered enough to lead armies.In order to keep the tallest Irkens in check, they were specially 'bred' and trained.The result was a long line of ruling pairs, all much taller than any of the other Irkens.To keep genetic anomalies, such as tall Irken warriors, out of the population, children were conceived and born in 'test tubes'.The very few female Irkens were used as 'breeding stock', something which Sar despised.They were almost akin to the human whores, and their offspring were never their own.

Sar's parents were part of the 2% of Irkens who dared defy this system and breed their own child.Instead of donating his male reproductive cells to the reproduction tubes, her father had used them on her mother.Sar received the tall genes from both her parents, and because of her abnormal height, she was sought out by the Tallest's personal guards to be removed from society.She couldn't be let loose to stir a rebellion.The Tallest didn't exactly condone this sort of thing, the abduction of tall infants, but it was the only way for them to guarantee their power.It was a Machiavellian system.

Sar, kept in seclusion for the first year of her life, never knew why she had been taken away from her parents.She grew first depressed, then angry at the Tallest who did this to her, and her young mind filled with gory plans of revenge.She had plenty of time to think.

Meanwhile, Sar's parents were executed, and the rest of the Irken army remained ignorant of the anomaly in their midst.

Even at a young age, Sar showed fighting abilities (most likely due to her ample time to brood and practice her killing skills), and this gave one intelligent commander an idea.He broached it to the Tallest, who apprehensively agreed to it.Sar was to be used as an assassin, and would be trained and molded to obedience to she could never attempt mutiny.

Thus began her training.For a full five years she worked, always keeping her revenge in the back of her mind, but pantomiming the obedience she had been taught.She gained skill in mechanics, and designed an intelligence chip far superior to those of the first batch of S.I.R. units.In secret, she built her own droid, using bits of weaponry and stolen technology.The T.A.S.S. S.I.R. as she called it, became her single friend.His modified emotions chip, along with his abnormally powerful intelligence chip, allowed him the decision-making skills and feelings of a normal Irken.In essence, Tass became the father, brother, and best friend Sar never had.

He was the only thing that kept her from shooting herself in those long, grueling, psychologically torturing sessions of training she was made to endure, and when she was finally through at the age of 10, she and Tass were inseparable.Her first assignment on Impending Doom 1 was fairly simple; gather intelligence on planets surrounding those being conquered for the second Impending Doom.It was through her work that this second of the set of invasions was possible.After this successful mission, the Tallest entrusted much greater responsibilities to the tall, female Invader.She was given her own Vood Runner, which she immediately re-built to suit her purposes, and she became infamous throughout the Irken armies.Because of her wrathful tendencies and a bloodlust that was unmatched by any other Irken's, she had to write herself a code of conduct, one dictating who she could and could not kill.This kept her unauthorized assassinations to a minimum.

Only the fact that the Tallest had given her permission to become what she was kept them alive. 

Sar was shaken from her reverie by Ms. Bitters' harsh voice rasping at her."No dreaming in class," she said.Sar sat up straight and folded her hands obediently, wishing this 'School' would end so she could continue her conquests.This was only taking up valuable time.Each conquest brought her closer and closer to usurping the Tallest and taking the throne… 

NOTE: Please excuse the more 'serious' talk in this chapter.It's all explanations.My little factoids on Irken reproduction and politics are my _own_ ideas, not stolen, so don't accuse me of stealing.These are not proven in the show, so don't use this chapter as any sort of guide.Similarly, please don't flame me on the basis of my ideas in this chapter.


	5. A Truce Thwarted; An Alliance Made

Chapter 5 

Chapter 5 

Chapter 5 

A Truce Thwarted; An Alliance Made 

Sar stepped out of the school building before Zim, breathing deeply the smog-filled, noxious air. It was nothing like the filtered, absolutely clean atmosphere of Irk 1, and for some reason, she liked it. 

"Well, Zim, what project of conquest are you working on now?" she asked as he caught up to her, panting from running after the long-legged earthling. 

"Project?" Zim asked, puzzled. Sar growled impatiently. 

"Yes, project, you know, a plan to take over the earth?" 

"…No. My last plan failed miserably." 

Sar narrowed her eyes yet again and knocked Zim over with one metallic leg, flipping him over like a beetle. With that one leg pinning him and Sar's face right in his, Zim could do nothing but quake in terror. "You will not get in my way, fool, understand??" She snapped. 

"Y-y-yes…" Zim stuttered, eyes as wide as dinner plates. 

"Good. Now get up and get out of my site. I want you to build me a new cannon for my Vood Runner, a portable one, and if you screw up, I will hurt you. Badly." And with that, Sar stalked off towards her base. Zim breathed a massive sigh of relief and ran to his base like a rabbit from a puma. 

~*=*~ 

"I won't be treated like this!" Zim snapped, smashing two steel plates together, forming a tube-shaped cannon casing. "It isn't fitting to an Invader of my status!" 

"Woo, we got status!" Gir squealed, bouncing off the walls. 

"You don't have status, Gir, you're just stupid!" 

"Aww…" 

Zim continued to work, painting a hard resin layer over the pod and placing cannon circuits into it. A faint blue light created an aura around the cannon as Zim connected the last wires, and when the cannon was complete a loud rumbling filled his workroom. "It is done at last," He muttered. "I hope it is to her liking." 

"Can we go over to Sar's house now? Huhuhuh?" Gir asked, leaping onto Zim's head. 

"Get off! Yes, power up the Vood Runner. Attach the cannon. We fly tonight!" 

~*=*~ 

"There is something about that Dib human that disturbs me," Sar muttered, watching the aforementioned human through a spy camera. Dib was putting a new alien-capturing device together, laughing and muttering terrible things about Zim beneath his breath. 

"What is it, Sar?" Tass looked up from his new Game Slave 2, his finger hitting the pause button automatically. 

"I think Zim has an attachment to him." 

"What sort of attachment?" 

"The same sort that made me," she laughed, "but in an amusing way. I didn't know male Irkens could swing that way." 

"Well, can you use it to your advantage?" 

"I might… yes, I might, and I could ruin them both in one swipe…" Sar's evil cackling mingled with Tass's metallic laughter as the devious plot began to unfold. 

~*=*~ 

"I think there is something between Sar and the Dib human," Zim said growlingly as he piloted his Vood Runner out of his house. 

"I think there's some cheese between my toes!" Gir cackled. 

"I think there's something there, or why would she threaten him so much? I don't like it." 

"Why not, master?" 

Gir's sudden rationality and question caught Zim off guard. "Because, I…" He closed his mouth quickly, eyeing Gir. "Because, Gir, I must kill him, and if Sar has something for him, she will not like my killing." 

"I don't like killing," Gir said quietly, before reverting to picking cheese off his foot. Zim turned sharply at this statement, one eye narrowed, but he shrugged it off. Gir must have a short-circuit that was causing these statements, and it would have to be fixed later. 

"We're here," He said shortly, landing the runner. "Go out and detach the pod, and I'll help you carry it in." 

Gir couldn't notice this sudden kindness through his insanity-clouded AI, but he complied with a sort of sense of gratitude. He lifted the pod off of the Runner's top and handed it down to Zim, before hopping down and lifting the back end. Zim stomped on the sod-covered doors of Sar's base a few times, then stepped back to wait. The doors opened slowly and Sar stepped out, followed by Tass and a hovering pad to take the pod. 

"Thank you, Zim," She smiled sweetly, putting the pod on the hover pad. 

"You're welcome," Came the gruff reply, and Zim hopped back into his runner quickly. 

Sar set the pod down in her own workroom and sat in her rotating chair, a smile pasted on her face. 

"Tass, dial Dib up for me." 

~*=*~ 

Dib heard his phone ring and checked the Caller ID, and gasped when he saw Sar's name on the screen. With shaking hands he picked the phone up and spoke into the receiver, putting Sar's face on-screen. He noted with interest that she was visibly different from Zim, with her blue eyes and narrow face. 

"Hello, Sar," He said calmly. 

"Hello, Dib-human," She replied, using Zim's name for him. "I have come to discuss a truce with you." 

"A truce?" He asked incredulously. 

"Yes, Dib, a truce. I propose we work together to… eradicate Zim." 

Dib thought for a moment on that, his chin resting on one hand. Zim was irritating… but, what would killing him do? Sar would just kill Dib then, and his work would be lost. Besides, Dib never really meant to kill Zim… maybe hurt him badly, maybe bruise him a bit, but never kill him. He thought back over his encounters with Zim and, with a jolt of realization, he saw that he had actually enjoyed the close proximity to Zim whenever they fought. When they both became bologna once, he had enjoyed those fleeting moments of peace between him and the alien. He would have lent Zim his telescope when the Planet Jakers attacked, but his pride wouldn't let him. 

Once he realized this, a sick jolt of horror flew through him. What was he thinking?? It was disgusting! Zim had to be killed! But… he couldn't make a pact with Sar, because she would kill Zim in horrible ways… 

"No, Sar, a truce with you would accomplish nothing," he growled. 

"Suit yourself, stupid human," Sar snarled, "I will kill Zim myself, and I will kill him now!" 

Immediately the visual flickered off and the phone went dead, and a wave of anguish washed over Dib. She was going to kill Zim! He couldn't help the alien, he couldn't do that, it wasn't right. 

Minutes later he was running for Zim's lair, panting hard, a set of alien cuffs in his white-knuckled hands. 

~*=*~ 

"The pieces are falling together," Sar smiled, her eyes following Dib's rout on her computer screen. "Now, the hunter must kill the rabbit that the ferret rooted out…" 

With a devious cackle she launched her Vood Runner and hopped inside, followed by Tass. "What are we doing, Sar?" He asked, also watching Dib. 

"We are going to take both of them onto our side." 

"How?" 

"You shall see, my droid, you shall see…" 

The Vood Runner cruised just above the cloud layer, right above Dib, its muffled engines making no noise to disturb the evening's silence. Below, Dib ran furiously, his breath short. He looked around a corner, expecting to see Zim's house in ruins, but let out a sigh of relief when he saw its purple, eccentric walls rising from between the apartments on either side of it. 

He pounded desperately on the door, glancing around for Sar's deadly dark Runner. The Runner in question was landed, lights off, atop a building adjacent to Zim's base. A telescopic camera caught every movement outside the door. 

"What do you want, Dib," Zim hissed as he slammed the door open. 

"Sar-" Dib panted, "She's coming- to- kill you!" 

"What??" Zim's own eyes scanned the skies for her Runner, but he saw nothing. "Don't lie, Dib!" 

"I'm not!" He pulled a miniature screen from his coat and held it up for Zim to see. Sar's face was on it; It was a recording of her conversation with Dib. 

"You actually sided with me??" Zim asked, awestruck. 

"Yeah… well… I couldn't let her kill you, that's my job! And… she sounds evil, not even you deserve that, Zim." Dib's eyes held something more, but Zim couldn't decipher the human's expression, so he just shrugged. 

"All right, Dib, we side together. I accept your truce." 

The two walked inside and Zim took Dib to his base, blindfolding the human beforehand to keep some of his secrets. Dib was cooperative and didn't argue against the blindfold or security checks, and Zim didn't object to Dib's wanting to remove the blindfold as soon as they entered the elevator. Zim took them to his basement fortress, on the lowest level, all the while checking security updates. 

"Remember when I had that pimple, and you told me there were security breaches?" Zim asked as they stepped off the elevator. 

"Yes," Dib replied, "But I only told you one of them." 

"I'd like you to tell me the rest." 

"What, no Postulio?" Dib laughed. Zim looked at him askance, surprised at the joke, but laughed as well. The danger of Sar was evaporating the animosity between human and alien. 

"No, no Postulio, but if you don't tell me, you'll be cleaning up far more than putrescent puss. Irken entrails are quite odiferous." 

"All right. As well as the tunneling, if a decoy were launched at your house's front, and all the cameras focused on it, a real ship or invader could easily climb in your back window. Also, there were issues with your cameras' sight radius…" 

Zim interrupted him with a hand motion, and turned his full gaze on the human. "Dib, I've got o tell you something and I hope you won't hate me, but I've read about certain humans that have this certain trait and Dib, I cannot love you!" 

Dib's eyes flew open and his mouth dropped, and he stuttered for a few moments, unable to articulate words. Zim saw this and spoke quickly, consolingly, saying "I know, I know, I'm sorry, but it's wrong anyway; I just don't swing that way." 

"I'm not gay!" Dib managed to gasp out incredulously. "I just wanted a friend!" 

"Really?" 

"Yes!" Dib was still staring at Zim, and Zim coughed uncomfortably. 

"I'm sorry, but the way you just switched sides, I figured…" 

"The reason I like being around you is because you give me the only real attention I ever get! My sister ignores me, my father ignores me, everyone ignores me except you! I found some sadistic pleasure in your attacks, because it made me feel needed. I wanted to be your friend, but my pride wouldn't let me." 

Zim felt a pang of guilt and empathy for the human, and nodded. "I know how you feel, I have no friends either." 

"That's why I torment you so much; I just want to be needed…" 

"All right, Dib, let's be friends. Together we can destroy earth!" 

Dib laughed in relief. "We'll have to talk about that, buddy." 

"Don't call me that." 

"Sorry… can I call you Zimmy?" 

"No! Or else I'll call you Dibby!" 

"Eech! All right, just Zim." 

"Just Dib." 

"Let's work out a plan to get rid of Sar!" 

"Yes! Doom! Doooom!" 

Peals of half-evil, half-friendly laughter filled Zim's basement fortress, and Sar could have no way of knowing how her plan had been thwarted. 

End-Of-Chapter Notes: I decided against a Dib/Zim slash… it didn't seem right… so, hope you enjoyed this chapter anyway! More to come; my plot's totally planned now. I've got one word for you: Doom! 

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